Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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