dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
