Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
