weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
