You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
