I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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