I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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