READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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