i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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