She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
