Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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