I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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