found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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