Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So much rum. So many feels.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
