the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
