I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
