You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
