So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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