new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
