i permit you to call me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
