This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
