respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
