Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
