Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sext me about skeletons
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
