let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
