half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
