So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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