I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
