My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
