there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
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