We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
