Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
