yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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