Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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