Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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