he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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