I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
