She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
