just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
