my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
foreskin is a definite game changer
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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