i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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