sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
