Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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