Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
is it fun? or sober?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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