I bet he comes in French.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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