No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
