holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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