We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
