tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
