my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize