You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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