They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
