6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
