dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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