I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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