He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
