She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
