she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
