Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
