My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
