so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize