I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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