If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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