you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
