I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
