well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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