plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
