I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
