you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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