Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
