after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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