How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just had sex bonerless
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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