I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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