Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
