i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
