Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
