It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
