Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
