I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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