This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this beer tastes like vomit already
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
