I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
