oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
