Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
