I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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