K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
